I read somewhere that social media has transformed from engaging our networks to building audiences.
I don’t want an audience. Funny, because I once dreamed of being an actress. But I do not want to be perceived - not like that - not where you get to pick me apart, an avatar scrolling by, a cluster of ill-thought words defining the totality of my character. I learned that the hard way when I decided to go on a competitive reality TV show. Never search your name on Twitter.
But I’ve also been someone vicious and vitriolic in turn. I’m not innocent in that; hiding behind my screen puffing myself up like I’m not the shyest bitch in the world.
I’m tired of fighting strangers on the Internet. I want to be kind. Let’s call this a place to do no harm.
I have opinions. I know we share them ad nauseam these days. I don’t think mine are better, or right. I mostly use my opinions to start my search for something beyond myself. I am a student of personhood. In my lifetime, it would be nice to experience that dissolution of ego that results from constantly subjecting your values and ideas to critique. Somehow I want to achieve that without losing my mind.
Don’t say I’m not the ambitious type.
So we’ll talk about some things. Maybe I’ll share experiences. Maybe I’ll explain how I’m trying to heal the contrarian in myself. I can’t promise you’ll laugh, although I’ve been told my sense of humour is dark and outrageous.
I love my family. I adore my friends. I have a dog, and I’ve never known a love as pure or joyful or easy. I order from UberEats more than I should, and I drink juice straight from the bottle, and have depressive spells where I forget to shower. In short, I’m actually pretty average, but then again no great story starts with a likeable hero.